Monthly Archives: October 2009

10 Months

My emotions have been all over the place this week. Tuesday, October 20 marked 10 months that Alexander has been gone. The day itself wasn’t so tough for me. It was the following day that bothered me more.

I had to pack for a trip to Denver for a conference. As I was packing, I began to think about preparing for the same conference last year and all I had to do before leaving. Of course, the biggest job was making sure someone would be here to care of Alexander. Thinking I didn’t have to do that this year and that Alexander wouldn’t be here to greet me on my return just made me so sad.

On the way home from a JL event Wednesday evening, I just couldn’t stop crying. At one point, I thought I might have to pull over because I was slightly blinded by my tears.

I returned from Denver this afternoon.  For the most part, the trip went fine.  There were a few times I needed to excuse myself from conversations because they became too kid centric.  However, I do enjoy being with my fellow NJ delegates so that made the trip better. I heard lots of useful ideas to take back to my JL and I look forward to sharing with my membership.

Alexander’s Run Update
I participated in a webinar earlier this week about organizing a run. The webinar was conducted by the Boston Marathon Race Director but much of what he said could be scaled down for a smaller, first year run like what we’ll doing for Alexander’s Run. I took plenty of notes and have started working on the project plan.

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Another study

In our continuing quest to try to find answers about Alexander’s loss, we’re going to participate in a second study.  The second study is through the Sudden Death Genomics Laboratory at the Mayo Clinic.  Dr. Ackerman and his staff research several heritable cardiovascular diseases.  The Long QT Syndrome the clinic conducts is one of the studies mentioned in our SUDC binder.  While Alexander’s autopsy report didn’t show anything wrong with his heart, we want to explore every possibility to find answers.

As part of our possible participation, the clinic wants us both to have an EKG done.  I had my done yesterday.  Why is nothing ever simple?  I had another appointment prior to the EKG appointment.  Because the first appointment ran late, I arrived at my doctor’s appointment late. When I arrived at the doc’s office, the receptionist told me I was late so I missed my appointment.  She said I could wait but the next opening wasn’t for another hour.

Yes, I was late, but my visit would have taken 5, 10 minutes top and as I looked around the empty waiting room, I just couldn’t believe she was telling me I had to wait an hour.  Was the office scheduling so tight that it didn’t allow for someone being late.

This just compounded the bad day I was already having so I decided to run errands for an hour rather than wait.  To ensure I didn’t miss another appointment, I arrived 10 minutes early.  At 10 minutes past my appointment time, I wondered if I should go to the desk and tell them since the doctor was late for my appointment, I was leaving.  Just then they call me back.

As I waiting for the doctor to enter the room, I started to tear up thinking about why I was there.  I don’t visit the primary care doc often except for the occasional times I’ve gotten a flu shot or have had need for antibiotics.  As I was explaining to him why I needed the EKG, I broke down and could barely talk through my tears.

The doc said the EKG was fine aside from a small spot that you may see at some times but not others.  I had some problems with increased heart rate in the past but the cardiologist didn’t seem to think it was of concern.  We’ll see if they notice anything at the Mayo Clinic.  Now, I just need to get Dan to get his EKG done so I can complete our file.

Lately, I’m finding with every new person I have to share our story, it feels just as if it happened yesterday with all the same very raw emotions.  The same searing pain through my heart.

I’m missing Alexander so much.

Alexander’s Run Update

Dan has mapped out a potential route and is going to walk it with a couple of friends tomorrow.

Feeling sad but trying to look ahead

During the past couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about THE day.  I miss Alexander so much and it makes me sad to think about it, but I can’t seem to turn off the thoughts.

Though I’ve been feeling sad and weepy, I’ve also been thinking about ways we can continue to grow Alexander’s scholarship fund and provide financial support to the SUDC program.  We’ve decided to do a memorial run next year.  The tentative date is October 30, 2010.  In addition to raising funds, the run will be a great way to raise awareness of SUDC.

I’ve participated as a runner and a volunteer but have never organized a run.  Dan and I met with friends last night who have been race directors to discuss what’s involved.  Between their notes and the binder I received from the SUDC program, I think I have a wealth of information. We’ve already had a few friends to volunteer to help and for that we’re very grateful. It’s going to be a long year of planning  but hopefully, a wonderful tribute to Alexander.  Aside from all the other benefits I mentioned, planning the run will give me something to focus on besides my pain, sadness and grief.

Look for more info on Alexander’s Run in the coming months.