Monthly Archives: December 2010

2 years

Can it really be two years that Alexander has been gone?

When I woke this morning, I was too sad to move and just lay in bed thinking about Alexander.  Once I finally managed to get out of bed, I watched the touching memorial video (http://www.totsites.com/tot/dodsonemerson/movies/29452)  from Alexander’s funeral that friends put together for us.  Watching the video, I thought about all the wonderful times we had with Alexander during his much too short life.

Dan and I went to the cemetery this afternoon and did a little cleaning. We also brought a couple of things to decorate Alexander’s grave.  For the first time, we decorated the little tree that someone left for him. It felt good to be doing this for Alexander.  After Dan left (I asked him to let me have a few minutes alone), I sat and cried.

Time has lessened the rawness of the pain but I still miss Alexander so much.

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A new term

A conversation I had with Dan on November 25:

Dan (smiling): Happy Birthday!  How are you feeling?
Me (through tears): Sad.  I’m just sad.
Dan (hesitantly): Alexander sad.
Me: Yes, Alexander sad.

So, we now have a new term to describe our emotions when we’re feeling sad about Alexander and not something else.

This December will mark TWO years that Alexander has been gone and our “new normal” continues to evolve.